With a stick with an '.orse's 'ead 'andle, gave a lion a poke in the ear.
The name of the lion was Wallace, the poke in the ear made 'im wild;
And before you could say 'Bob's your Uncle,' 'E'd up and. 'e'd swallered the child.
'E were sorry the moment 'e'd done it, with children 'e'd always been chums,
And besides 'e'd no teeth in 'is noddle, and 'e couldn't chew Albert on t' gums…
But Albert kept kicking and fight-ing, till Wallace arose feeling bad,
And felt it were time that 'e started to stage, a comeback for the lad.
So with is 'ead down in the corner, on 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
And he coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled, till Albert shot out like a cork…
Meanwhile Mister and Missus Ramsbottom, 'ad gone 'ome to tea feeling blue;
Ma says: 'I feel down in the mouth like,' Pa says: 'Aye! I bet Albert does too...
'Let's look on the bright side,' sald father: 'What can't be 'elped must be endured,
Every cloud 'as a silvery lining, and we did 'ave young Albert insured.'
A knock at the door came that moment, as father these kind words did speak;
Twas the man from t' Prudential, e'd called for their tuppence per person per week.
'Excuse him for laughing,' said mother, 'But really things 'appen so strange
Our Albert's been ate by a lion, you've got to pay us for a change.'
Said the young fellow from the Prudential: 'Now, come come, let's understand this,
You don't mean to say that you've lost 'im?' Ma says: 'Oh, no! We know where 'e is.'
When the young man 'ad 'eard all the details, a bag from 'is pocket he drew,
And 'e paid them with interest and bonus, the sum of nine pounds four and two.
Pa 'ad scarce got 'is 'and on the money, when a face at the window they see,
And mother says: 'Eeh! Look, it's Albert', and father says: 'Aye, it would be.'
Young Albert came in all excited, and started 'is story to give,
And Pa says: 'I'll never trust lions again as long as I live.'
The young feller from the Prudential, to pick up the money began,
And father says: 'Eeh! Just a moment, don't be in a hurry, young man?
Then giving young Albert a shilling, he said: 'Pop off back to the zoo.
'Ere's yer stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle. Go and see what the tigers can do.'